


Pulled From the Water

by simplylee123



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depression, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marauders, Marauders era, hogwarts 5th year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25412395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplylee123/pseuds/simplylee123
Summary: Sirius Black always feels like he drowning. His emotions come to the surface and bury him until he can barely breathe.Until Remus Lupin decides to help Sirius during his breakdown.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	Pulled From the Water

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to An_Ally on tiktok for this idea! I really love the characters in this, even if they don't act like they usually do.

Always sinking. Dreaming about the water swallowing him up. His arms flailing around above him, but to no avail. No one sees him. No one saves him. 

That’s how Sirius Black’s life has been for as long as he can remember. 

His family didn’t care. He was neglected, and when he wasn’t neglected he was abused. Emotionally, physically, you name it. He was a disgrace after being sorted into Gryffindor, after refusing an arranged marriage, and after making friends with “mudbloods and blood-traitors” to use their euphemism of choice. 

Things got better when he met James, Peter, and good ole’ Remus. He still had bad days though, and he never told any of them about the ever sinking feeling he had inside.

It always came up when he was least expecting it. In the middle of class, right before he went to sleep, and while he was eating. The only thing that he could do was crawl into a corner in an alcove or unused room and cry. 

He would cry until he couldn’t breathe and he was physically worn down. Until his face was red and puffy and he could barely stand. He would sit for hours in his corner until he was presentable enough to pull off the excuse of going for a walk to clear his head. 

Remus always looked unconvinced. Concern always coated his beautifully soft and angular face, making Sirius want to just sit down next to him and unleash all of his problems, and have Remus tell him everything was going to be okay. That was one of the thinks Sirius loved about his best friend. He cared. 

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Sirius was in the middle of Charms when he felt the wave of sadness flow through him again. He estimated that he had about 5 minutes before the tears fell down his face and the sobs wracked his body. The class still had about 20 minutes to go, so Sirius excused himself to go to the loo, and his friends didn’t think anything of it. It was a common occurrence at this point. 

He picked up his bag and brought it with him, knowing he wouldn’t be back in the class. 

The closest corner to the charms classroom was the alcove around the corner, so that was his destination. 

The alcove was behind a tapestry. It was frequented as a makeout area in the afternoon usually, but at the time it was morning, and he had about 3 hours before lunch. 

Sirius was the kind of person to make good grades without studying. He didn’t really need to go to class as long as his friends brought him back the homework they had. He found his alcove just as the tears started streaming down his face and his chest constricted. 

He couldn’t think about anything else besides his constricted lungs and his cloudy eyes. The sadness was maddening, but there wasn’t anything he himself could do about it. 

A small part of him hoped someone would rip open the tapestry and sit next to him to tell him everything was going to be okay. 

However, he had no such luck.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

He was in the common room three hours later. Peter was beating James in chess, and Remus was reading some muggle book in his bed. When he walked in the portrait hole James and Peter didn’t even look up. 

“Hiya, Padfoot,” James said to him still staring intently at the board as Sirius sat on his bed. No one else said anything, but he got a look from Remus that he couldn’t quite place. Sirius smiled at him, hoping he pulled off being okay, but Remus did not look convinced in the slightest. 

Remus’s concern grew every week. Today it was screaming at him, but he didn’t acknowledge it in the slightest. He immediately felt bad when he turned his back on him, but that was the issue with being in love with your best friend. Sirius can’t look at him for more than a minute without breaking down.

“I’m actually gonna head up and take a shower, I’ll see you guys in a bit,” Sirius said, another wave of loneliness and despair washing over him. Remus kept looking at him and watching his movements carefully as he walked up to the fifth year common room, but Sirius didn’t have the strength to turn around. The bathroom was another place he could break down, all he needed to do was walk into a shower stall, close the dark curtains, and cast a Silencing spell on the space. 

He set his bag on his bed and walked straight into the bathroom, not taking a single backward glance at the door as it opened. He cast the spell just before he broke down for the second time that day. 

The depression almost never seeped in twice in a day, but the second he saw Remus’s hint of concern, the loneliness hit him like a truck.

At home, he never felt cared for. There was no one to ever comfort him when he was upset, they were only there to hurt him. He couldn’t go to James, they were too close. James would think he was weak and unstable. 

James was always happy. Sirius had never seen him cry in all of the years they had been friends. Peter looked scared and fragile, but he was never sad either. Now, Remus. Remus was a different story. He cried at every full moon from the pain the transformation put him through. At the time in between full moons, he was his normal self. Happy, smart, and always being the mastermind behind the smart pranks. Sirius had good moments too. When they were all under the invisibility cloak together, when they sneak into the Forbidden Forest or somewhere else they aren’t supposed to be. When he and his friends to things like that, he feels at home. 

He was about 15 minutes in his episode when he felt the magic around him dissipate. That means the silencing spell was lifted, and he didn’t do it. 

That means someone was in the bathroom. 

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Sirius tried to keep as quiet as possible. He snapped his hand over his mouth and tried to calm his heavy breathing, but he had no luck. The curtain was ripped open and his favorite person, the only one he couldn’t let see him like this, but the only person that he wanted comfort from, entered the shower. 

“Sirius,” Remus started, looking down at him with concern covering his face, “What’s wrong.”

Sirius couldn’t answer. He was already struggling to breathe, the drowning feeling swallowing him up. He just looked up at Remus with tears continuing to stream down his face. Sirius shook his head and put his face in his hands, no being able to look at the man he loved that would never love him back. 

Thinking about that only made him cry harder. His sobs were making noise at this point, and almost didn’t feel the warms hands wrap him in a tight embrace, and the soft curls next to his cheek. Remus had sat down next to him and laid his head on Sirius’s shoulder. 

He could hear Remus shushing and telling him it was going to be okay. They were the most soothing words he’d ever heard. The first person to ever see him at his lowest didn’t even make fun of him. He sat down next to him and told him that everything was going to be alright. Sirius didn’t know if that was supposed to make him cry harder or not, but all he could think of to do is wrap his arms around the smaller boy next to him. 

Sirius didn’t know how long they sat there, but Remus waited until the long-haired boy was all dried out, and then he took Sirius’s face in his hands. 

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?” Remus asked, looking straight into his eyes. 

“I’m just sad,” Sirius said, sounding dumb to himself but he couldn’t think of another way to answer.

“It’s because of your family, isn’t it.” Sirius nodded.

“They were so mean to me. You’re the first person to ever see my crying,” Sirius replied. He took his time to search Remus’s face, looking for some form of mockery, but he didn’t see any. “Why do you even care?”

“Why do I care?” Remus asked, sounding slightly offended, “You’re one of the most important people in the world to me. I always care.”

Sirius wasn’t crying anymore, and his voice was almost normal. He wiping his face and got up, swaying slightly from sitting down for too long. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Remus asked, blocking Sirius’s way out of the shower. 

“I just wanted to be alone,” Sirius said, and it was a downright lie. He wanted nothing more than to lay on a couch or bed with Remus lying on his chest tracing patterns on his arm. He got half of what he wanted, however. 

Remus took his hand and led him into the common room. It was empty, except for Lily Evans on a table in the corner pouring over books. She didn’t notice them come in. Remus sat down on a couch by the fire and pulled Sirius down with him so they were sitting side by side. 

The air around Sirius felt electric, everything drawing him to the boy sitting next to him. Remus stared into the fire, his mouth opening and closing as if trying to find something to say. 

“We don’t have to talk about it, Remus,” Sirius said, watching as Remus turned to look at him.

“You do realize I can sense when you’re upset,” he said back, and Sirius froze. He knew that Remus could sense other people’s emotions but he didn’t think that his misery could be sensed because of the fact the Remus never did anything about it. 

“So, every time I left you knew why?” Sirius asked, already knowing the answer.

Remus nodded. 

“So why didn’t you fucking do anything,” Sirius said, tears threatening to fall for the third time that day. 

“I needed to know you wouldn’t mind me going to comfort you,” Remus said, shuffling slightly closer to where Sirius was leaning against the arm of the couch. 

“How did you know?” Sirius asked, now genuinely curious.

“I could sense it,” he replied with a smile. 

“Moony and his sensing powers,” Sirius said, and they both laughed, making the air a little less tense. 

“I want you to know that I don’t think you’re weak for crying. Everyone cries sometimes, even James,” Remus said to him, looking at him in the eyes again. 

“When the hell did James cry?” Sirius questioned.

“After Gryffindor lost in Quidditch, but still he cried,” Remus said, and they laughed again. Remus’s laugh was a beautiful sound. It was light and had emotion, and Sirius was distracted for a second. 

“Thank you, Remus,” Sirius said, and he meant it. He felt secure and safe sitting next to Remus, and he could only hope he felt the same. 

“Of course, Sirius,” he replied. 

“JESUS CHRIST just kiss each other already,” a voice rang out from behind them. Sirius’s head whipped around to see Lily, watching them with an exasperated expression. 

“I can cut the tension in here with a knife, just get it over with,” she said, and she made a “get on with it” gesture with her hands. Sirius wholeheartedly agreed with what she said, but he didn’t dare look at Remus for fear of a disgusted expression. That was until he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

Remus’s hand was warm and sturdy, and he placed his other one on Sirius’s cheek. 

“You don’t have to do this, you know,” Remus’s voice was quiet as he watched Sirius’s hesitation. 

“Don’t be stupid,” was his answer, and then Sirius grabbed both of Remus’s shoulders and pulled his mouth to his. 

The kiss was soft but passionate. Sparks flew between their bodies and Sirius’s heart skipped three beats when Remus wrapped his arms around his neck. Remus gave a soft gasp as Sirius’s tongue brushed his bottom lip, but opened his mouth eagerly. 

For the first time since he could remember, Sirius was happy.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave comments kudos and more fanfiction ideas using this link - https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSc7Pj_jRMcVuQKTUR61P7Fplu6YVr-YztrdppnFyFro3dcXaQ/viewform?usp=pp_url


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